Psalm 73

"Yet I am always with you:

you hold me by my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel,

and afterward you will take me into glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?

And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

-Psalm 73:23-26

I find it amazing how I can so often forget about how incredible my God is. He is EVERYTHING; my everything. Lately, I have been finding myself so lost and stressed that my body becomes ill. I worry so much that it literally weakens me. My medicine: the solutions of the world. No wonder it isnt working. I open my Bible to this scripture and feel like such an idiot. Seriously, how often does God have to remind me that He is right beside me..ALL THE TIME. He has never left me, nor will He ever. He is holding my hand through it all. As this scripture says, my flesh may fail (which it certainly has) and my heart is failing me as a guide. My only option left is Him, the one who was there all along just waiting for me to come back. I'm amazed at his forgiveness..how He welcomes me back with open arms. He is my father, my guide, my everything. How could I have forgotten?

Comfort: Our Biggest Mistake

Today was a sad reality check for me. I realized how many people around me have come to SETTLE. They have become extremely comfortable in remaining stationary..where nothing changes..nothing moves forward..that place where their sins have become their present and future rather than their past. I don't understand how the people I thought were strongest are so "ok" with continuing on the road they know is wrong. In my eyes, it's like walking towards disaster, or worse yet, no where. They are accomplishing things and have goals set, but their actions in the moment are causing the brilliant lights of their future to fade. How do so many not realize the consequences of the little actions we make each day? Life isn't a game. We can't start over or press rewind. Everything just keeps moving whether we like it or not. I feel like I'm the only one who is uncomfortable with the pace at which life is going. I am stressing over every decision I am making while others seem to go about without a care. How can it be so easy for them? What step in the process am I doing wrong?

I just don't understand life at the moment. I don't know its direction or the promises it holds. I know that it is very hard for me to live in the present right now because my future seems so blurred. I guess thats how it's supposed to be though.. no one ever knows what will happen. But, why am I the only one who seems afraid of that? I know how important it is to stand by what I believe is right...but I feel like so many people have forgotten. I hate seeing my friends become so comfortable with the things they are doing. I wish I could just slap them in the face and be like "you know this is wrong..why are you still doing it?" I am trying really hard to stay focused on the person I want to become and the morals I stand by..and yet everyone else seems to be enjoying life and all it has to offer.

I'm not even sure if any of this is making sense...it's really just all the crap in my head finally coming out. I really just needed to vent.