Dying Easter Eggs.

It's funny how much one little statement can change your entire mood. My CL just told me that we are going to dye Easter eggs next Wednesday and my stomach immediately dropped. Every memory of rushing home from some family party, scrambling to boil some eggs, spilling dye, creating the craziest Easter eggs I've ever seen, and then eating them before they even dried, came flooding back to me. I miss that. That is one of my favorite parts of Easter. When my family would dye eggs, it was never made to be a huge deal, yet we always made sure that we did it. Even if it was after midnight and we had church in the morning, my mom and dad always made sure that the job was done. At times it felt like a chore, other times it was an amazing bonding time with my family. I need that. This is my first year away from home, but I have already missed so much. Nothing is the same. Just to sit at home and spend time with them means so much to me. It is by far one of the things I love most. And, to be honest, I took it for granted almost 98% of the time. I never had any idea how good I have it at home. God has blessed me with a HUGE, loving family that I wouldn't trade for the world. Every moment spent with them is fun and exciting and chaotic and chill and....so far away. However, I have come to realize that I will always (even if they complain the entire time) make my kids partake in little family traditions like dying Easter eggs. They may not want to do it at the moment, but one day they will realize how special that moment really is. That's exactly what I am doing right now. My mom and dad deserve more than I could ever give them. They have been the most amazing parents anyone could ask for. I never understood why they made us do some lame traditions, but now I totally get it. I don't know if they realize how special they really are to me but I am going to make sure they do. I wish I could take back every time that I complained when my mom wanted to take a million pictures at Disney World or when I didn't say thank you when my dad made me breakfast or all those days I slacked off on my chores. There are so many things I wish I did differently, but I guess all I can do now is say THANK YOU! Through the good times and the bad, we remained a family. I know my life may be crazy at times, but I love it and I owe it to my parents for making it that way. I love them more than words can express. God did a good job putting those two together =)

Anyway..

Today was a weird day. I have been exhausted, my classes were boring, and the sun wasn't out when I finally had time to tan. However, I played my first flag football game today and we did awesome! I was not fantastic, but I tried my best. I def wiped out twice and have pretty sweet bruises to prove it...hah. Props to my roomie for making me join cause I LOVE IT! hah You're the best BRENNA!!

there will be more later..

Today is an incredible day to simply lay out in the sun. It’s what makes me happy. It actually feels just like a morning in Ocean City. There are even seagulls! Ughh..I miss Jersey summers so much. I seriously cannot wait for summer to come. So many people talk about how lame their summer is going to be, but not mine. It is going to be one of the best for sure. However, it will also be stressful if I still have not made up my mind about school.

Until yesterday, I thought I knew for sure that I was going to stay here at SEU. But, yesterday was the first day since I have been back from spring break that I felt homesick again. I know I am always going to miss home because I am so far away and I can’t just go back whenever I wish to. It also drives me crazy to watch things change and not be a part of it. People are growing up, making new friends, doing exciting things, and Im stuck down here watching through facebook. I understand that it is all part of becoming an adult and being mature and blah blah blah. But honestly, I never thought it would be this difficult. I always had an issue with the idea of growing up and getting old..i hate it. My heart still longs to be in that place of little responsibility, immaturity, no worries, and no big decisions. I miss youth group, going on random trips with everyone, and eating dinner with the family. These are some things I will probably never get back or at least they will never be the same.

Of course I look forward to the future in some ways. But, my biggest fear is that the fun will be lost. What would my life be without random dancing? hah who am I kidding, I will never stop dancing.

Jesus, You're Incredible

Acts 2:24

-But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him.

Death is impossible to avoid. Even the strongest human must eventually confront it. Many loath the day that their life will come to an end because everything they love and cherish vanishes with their last breath. Death, for many, is the end of the road. But not for Jesus. Indeed, he died and was even placed in a tomb. However, even that could not stop our Saviour. The most unavoidable force known to man was defeated. Jesus was filled with so much power that nothing could stop the plans God had for him. If he can be taken to the end of the road, the place of no return, and still be risen to the highest place within 3 days, then he can do ANYTHING. God took Jesus to the most impossible of situations and made it possible. How can anyone doubt the power of God?

Faith. God demands it over and over again throughout his word. He has performed every miracle, defeated every impossibility to show his people how easy it is to trust him. Yet, we still try to fight our battles on our own. God did not prepare us to fight alone. He wants to help. He has the power to accomplish anything. We need to completely surrender our struggles to him and trust that he will work things out in his will. Just believe that he has total control. We are his children and he will not abandon us.

I hope that in every struggle, I am able to remember that my Father was able to defeat death and certainly can take on any other situation I may encounter. My faith is in him, forever.

Honduras

God has definitly given me a heart for the youth on the trash dumps in Honduras since I spent time there for a missions trip. I have been thinking of different ideas to eventually do there one day. I have two ideas so far..

On site activities.

-One thought that came to mind was to set up some sort of program to take onto the dumps daily or every few days. The program would be created for the children and youth to distract them from the chaos of the dumps for a few hours. We would play games, give them food, maybe teach them a little...basically try to give them some joy and education while stuck on the dump. There is a lot more I would like to do with this but I have to look more into it first.

Nearby Orphanage/Hangout:

-This would either be a place to house the children and orphans of the dump until they are old enough to be on their own successfully or are adopted. It may also be a place that all the kids know they are welcome at to get some food or shelter for a few days..just take a break from their lives. There would be games to play, small "sunday school" type things, worship places, counselers, etc.

Hopefully either of these could work out one day. I just have to keep pursuing God and His plans.

here I go..

Tonight my brain feels so overwhelmed with different thoughts and ideas. It has become so difficult to keep track of everything, so I decided a blog might help.

The past few months, I have been stressing myself over one of the most important decisions of my life: my career. I know for a fact that God has called me to a lifetime involvement in the youth ministry. That has been and always will be one of the greatest passions in my life. There is something amazing about witnessing the spiritual growth and maturity that happens throughout a teenagers journeys. However, I am not the best public speaker and so I do not believe I am meant to be a youth pastor..more like the youth pastors wife or something. And so, it would be best for me to also have my own career to partner with youth ministry. Recently I have been considering going to school for counseling. I feel like that is something I would love to do and would work great with youth ministry. It would prepare me to work with the students on an individual level.

Along with that decision, I also have to decide if I want to stay at SEU or transfer to another school. I love southeastern and I love being in Florida. However, the school is way too expensive if I'm not planning on majoring in ministry. I could probably get a full ride (or close to one) at Rutgers, which would also be a better degree for psychology. Better yet, I would be back home, which is where I feel I belong. I think I need a pro/con list...

PROS

Rutgers: closer to home, better degree, much much cheaper, more money for masters, help out in youth group, gain more experience and opens more doors for youth, NYC, Philly, Ocean City

Southeastern: in Florida, great friends, college experience, Disney, beaches

CONS

Rutgers: live back home, not much of a college experience

Southeastern: so far from home, nothing to do in Lakeland, not the greatest degree for psychology, pretty expensive, not many youth experience opportunities

Well...that seemed to make the answer obvious. And yet I am still so undecided. I don't want to make a decision and regret it or feel like I'm missing out on something. When I think about my future, Rutgers makes so much more sense. When I think about college experience, SEU seems like the perfect choice. I don't know and this is stressing me out. I need God to speak.